My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
