the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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