Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
