oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
