Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize