If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
