Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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