Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
