She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
