He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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