He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
