you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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