alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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