Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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