Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
