im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
