I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
