Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jerry, you need to find god
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
