your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
