In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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