lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex