when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?