8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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