Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
