I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
