She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
