is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
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