dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
