I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
