We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I wish there were birth control emojis
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
