Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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