she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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