I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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