Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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