dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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