and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
