Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
