I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
