I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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