it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need to stop coming to work sober
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
