glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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