Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
