Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
