It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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