I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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