Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
