everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
