also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
