Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
