I puked a lego.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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