he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
