Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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