I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
