I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
