I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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