He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Are we still banned from the library?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
