Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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