Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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