I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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