Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize