I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
