Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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