I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
