Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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