Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
