Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
