why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
