Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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