so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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