my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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