maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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