last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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